Mending A Broken Heart

-- A person in authority asked me to do this. (persons in authority as defined by law) Hence, what I write in here may not find favor in some. But this is my blog and it'll be my grade, so there. The title is chessy. Let me add " For the heartless --> a broken ego. For those without it, congratulations! You are not human. There is nothing to mend."



I once came across an article on broken heart syndrome. Apparently, even the medical field considers this as a serious problem. The details of the article I can only vaguely remember. In a nutshell, it described broken heart syndrome as a prequel to a heart attack. Loss of a loved one and severe emotional trauma were also cited as common causes. On a positive note, the article said that recovery is quick.

This made me think of the broken heart syndrome that more commonly plagues us, mere mortals. In this case, would it be proper to say that recovery is quick?

The safest answer to that is, it depends. Regardless of the length of time one has to allot in order to extricate one's self from this oftentimes debilitating experience, there are basic steps one should go through. They do not necessarily have to happen in the order that I present them, again that would depend on the person. But for me, this works.

First, ACCEPT THAT IT IS OVER AND LISTEN. Easy to say but hard to do. Once upon a time I had a friend who broke up with her first love and partner for two years. Prior to the break up, her demeanor was that of someone who scoffs at lovesick fools. She was also the type who could not quite understand why people who split up behave stupidly, as she calls it. When it was her time, I saw her eat all of her words.

Everyday with her was like being an “alalay” to the protagonist of a romantic comedy with a neurotic twist. Something like the movie, MY SUPER EX GIRLFRIEND. It was both amusing and pitiful. She was hospitalized and became as thin as a toothpick. One moment she would be professing her love for the ex and the next she would be spewing words of hatred and revenge. Alcohol was best not served in her presence.

During that time, I was one of the people closest to her. I wanted to tell her that her biggest problem was that she just could not accept it. You can not force people to love you or stay in love with you. The only thing you can ask for is that they inform you decently. My friend's ears were open but somewhere between the opening of the ears and the brain, my message got lost in translation.


Second, SHOVE WHAT NEEDS TO BE SHOVED IN THE FOSSILIZED PAST. I remember the amusement I felt when I first read this phrase. It was a perfect thing to use when talking about not so desirable things; stuff that form part of living and breathing --- like falling in and falling out of love. In other words, try to rid yourself of the tangible things that would only remind you of your ex-boyfriend or love interest while maintaing a firm grasp on lessons from your experience.


The principle applies especially to those that will only give you false hopes or lead to delusions that she or he is coming back or will change her or his mind. It might even be potentially dangerous and absolutely pathetic if the ex is already committed to another. Stuff toys, pictures, cars or townhouses for the upper class, and the like must be disposed of; even text messages. After all, the operative word is EX-girlfriend/boyfriend. I am not saying one should throw them all away or build a large bonfire; that would be wasteful, impractical and stupid. Scenarios can range from giving them away and for the more expensive gifts, selling them. Just like what Ivana Trump said, “Don’t get mad, get everything.” At least you get to put them to some practical use without the psychological torment of “what ifs” every time you use or see these things.

Third, DISCARD YOUR ISSUES PROPERLY. Someone said, “If in public toilets you see placards that go, ‘DISCARD YOUR TISSUES PROPERLY’, in my room also known as my private space you will see a sign that says ‘DISCARD YOUR ISSUES PROPERLY’". This seems trivial but personally, I believe this is laden with several advices already.

For one, while people are generally sympathetic, they may not stay so if you cry or mop around 24/7 just because of a heart break. Yes you are miserable and in pain, but the rest of world is still breathing and going about their business. It is just one aspect of your life; not the lone source of love in this world; most definitely not a very sound reason to ruin your whole life.

If you happen to find yourself in a party where your ex was invited as well, it would not make you less of a human being if you act gracefully. The party is after all for your host/ess and not for you or your ex.

Also, avoid dragging innocent people --strangers and friends – in your personal vendetta. I have seen a lot of people who have behaved like this, even my friends. It only shows your capacity to be overly paranoid. On top of that, it is very unfair to your mutual friends. Others would go the extra mile of blaming friends or third persons for the break up or rejection. This tactic will not help you get over your heartbreak and will not give your image, plus points.

Fourth, LAUGH. Cliché-ish as it may sound laughter is always the best medicine. If it really is funny, try to laugh. It takes more muscles to frown and cry than smile or laugh. In time you will also find yourself laughing at the things that made you cry the most. An important thing to remember though is to laugh to lighten up your mood not because you want to be malicious. Laugh at the rejection or break-up but not at the person that caused it. Find ways to amuse your self. If you must sing STUPID CUPID, by all means.

Fifth, SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE ENERGIES. Going through a heart break is not easy. Self esteem is usually the first casualty. For some who have cinematic tendencies, health is also sacrificed. In order to repair the former and avoid the latter it will help if you are surrounded by friends or people who are not angsty, are great listeners but are objective. These very people will make you feel that they empathize with you but will help you get out of your misery, not feed it.

In addition to this, it will be best if you watch feel good movies and lie low on the drama. Crying time or ex bashing should be given a time-limit per day, until finally, you can do without it. Although crying and getting all riled up can serve as forms of therapy, if you get used to them, happiness may eventually leave you permanently.

Last, THINK POSITIVE AND LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES. In line with accepting that things are over or you are just not meant for each other, it will also help if you take time for a self-evaluation. A time to regroup. For jilted partners, think of the freedom that break ups entail. A chance for a new beginning and appropriate reforms. More time to devote to one’s self, friends and family.

For suitors whose hearts bleed because of rejection, this kind of pondering will also help in understanding why the feeling could not be reciprocated. Instead of bringing you down, consider it as a way of saving you for somebody who deserves you better.

Bottom line is, heartbreaks will always be painful. No matter how forewarned you are, when the moment arrives, all the advices can never really lessen the pain. But is this not the beauty of loving? There are always surprises along the way. Some are bound to bring the most exquisite of happiness. Some are bound to be painful.


After all, nothing is forever but things like falling in love are almost always worth the pain. What does not kill you will only make you stronger.


I hope I won't find myself eating up my words