Obfuscation

"I don't attach meaning to things not pertinent at the moment." One of the phrases which has fully embedded itself in my block's already queer form of communication. It has been placed at par with the likes of "certain anger" or "certain (pls. enter noun here)", "vortex of doom and depression" "what's happening here what's going on?" and utilized indiscriminately no matter how senseless it has become for a particular conversation.

I wish I could just as easily insert those phrases in my personality. Flippantly look at whatever nuisance i meet every fucking minute of my borrowed life. Casually tell the perennial darkness i simply cannot shake off, " I dont attach meaning to you coz you're not pertinent at the moment." What bliss it would be. Peace.

But nature in it's fondness for irony and adventure cannot allow that.
Being forewarned can never never make you forearmed. Too much faith in this is the height of stupidity.

Am I complaining? What am i saying? Do i even understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?! I don't know. Read on and go figure.

You meet people. It can only go three ways. You like them. You despise them. Or you ignore them. Don't ask me what should be or shouldn't be. I have been mentally fucked from all sorts of direction I can barely discern my thoughts from my alter ego's.

Whatever way you'r destiny's will pushes you... one thing only seems certain...

Novelty wears off. Adhesives lose their touch. White turns to gray and you're left reminiscing.


Point is, I dont have a point. Fact is, I am a far cry from what I used to be.

Vortex of Doom and Depression

There's a different kind of disease
more fatale, more contagious, more permanent
that will catch you unaware

Vortex of Doom and Depression...

DARK...

Forewarned is Forearmed
So they say...

Uncertain

My eyes open to the world long awake before me
I try to convice myself I am needed in this place
Everymorning, everyday, every time I awake

My body begins to move in tune to the world's beat
There's a conscious effort to resist and hold my ground
Still, nature made me and she will not be denied

My mind starts its humming tune, I feel the gears shifting
I am flooded with all sorts of data, junk and otherwise
I have long discovered sorting through them is hopeless

My heart begins to throb slowly, gradually, surely
Pumping precious life into my weary and battered soul
I hear my inner voices cry in relief. In gratitude

The routine of my uncertain world

SHE

She takes comfort in her darkness,
mental exercises and strenuous presence

She forgets the chaos around her
because of her neverending sweet brutality

She begins to recognize love
out of the spiteful way...


she makes her love herself.

Mangyari Lamang

by Bobby Guevarra

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nagmamahal
nang makita ng lahat ang mukha ng pag-ibig
Ipamalas ang tamis ng malalim na pagkakaunawaan sa
mga malabo ang paningin
Mangyari lamang ay tumayo rin ang mga nagmahal
at nasawi
Nang makita ng lahat ang mga sugat ng isang bayani
Ipadama ang pait ng kabiguan habang ipinagbubunyi ang
walang katulad na kagitingan ng isang nagtaya

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nangangambang
magmahal
nang makita ng lahat ang kilos ng isang bata
Ipamalas ang katapatan ng damdamin
na pilit ikukubli ng pusong lumaki sa mga engkanto
at diwata
Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nagmahal, minahal at
iniwan ngunit handa pa ring magmahal
nang makita ng lahat ang yaman ng karanasan
Ipamalas ang katotohanang nasaksihan
nang maging makahulugan ang mga paghagulgol sa dilim

At sa mga nanatiling nakaupo
mangyari lamang ay dahan-dahang umalis papalabas
sa nakangangang pinto
Umuwi na kayo at sumbatan ang mga magulang na
nagpalaki ng isang halimaw

At sa lahat ng naiwang nakatayo
mangyari lamang ay hagkan ang isa't isa at yakapin ang
mga sugatan
Mabuhay tayong lahat na nagsisikap na makabalik sa ating pinagmulan
Manatiling masaya at higit sa lahat magpatuloy sa
pagmamahal

pozo negro

i watch the pozo negro people expertly suction the god-knows what things from our neighbor's septic tank

i find myself thinking of you

when even the most mundane task such as this
triggers my memory such as yours...
bad bad sign

my overanalyzing self is at it again
why not? and the internal debate begins
smeagol wins

and the gears of my god-given mind
shifts to second gear
i saw you.i could not let go
closer...

on to third gear
you fuck my mind
i cannot help but retaliate.for i am nothing but just

did i do justice?

shifting to fourth gear
regularity.habitualness
schedule.routine

the coveted fifth gear
all the toxic waste i carried with me for the past weeks...
gone. for real?

am i ready for the ride?

harbinger?omen?what?

YOU GOT ME

words of wisdom from gabriel garcia marquez

If for an instant God were to forget that I am a rag doll and gifted me with a piece of life,
possibly I wouldn't say all that I think, but rather I would think of all that I say.
I would value things, not for their worth but for what they mean.
I would sleep little, dream more, understanding that for each minute we close our eyes we lose sixty seconds of light.

I would walk when others hold back, I would wake when others sleep.
I would listen when others talk,
and how I would enjoy a good chocolate ice cream!
If God were to give me a piece of life, I would dress simply, throw myself face first in the sun,
baring not only my body but also my soul.
My God, if I had a heart, I would write my hate on ice, and wait for the sun to show.
Over the stars I would paint with a Van Gogh, dream a Benedetti poem,
and a Serrat song would be the serenade I'd offer to the moon.
With my tears I would water roses, to feel the pain of their thorns, and the red kiss of their petals!

My God, if I had a piece of life, I wouldn't let a single day pass
without telling people I love that I love them.
I would convince each woman and each man that they are my favorites,
and I would live in love with love.
I would show men how very wrong they are to think that they cease to be in love when they grow old, not knowing that they grow old when they cease to be in love!
To a child I shall give wings, but I shall let him learn to fly on his own.
I would teach the old that death does not come with old age, but
with forgetting. So much have I learned from you, oh men!